Worthless

When you are an alien hunter, as a rule, you are alone.

For days I would survive without any sort of human contact. Well, the other guys could sense it very well that I happened to be a weirdo. So they mostly stayed away from me. Even when I wasn’t actually able to discern humans from aliens (a long time ago indeed) – they hated me.

I remember that day clearly. The day I wished to die. I was worthless then. Though I still am not sure whether my being alive serves any purpose now.

I remember that day vividly. The waves crashing the jagged stones far below the cliff I was standing on. My heart not wanting to beat, my brain not ready to operate, my kidney not in mood to defecate, my lungs not interested to breathe- my own body wanted to cease existence. I could not blame any one of them. With a guy as worthless as I happen to be, anyone would have dug his face into the shit pot.

Even now, they were cursing me for deciding to plod on. But I was.

Against their will, I did what I could to hurt my body, to put it through every painful trail possible in this warped, malignant world. My body hated me, but it knew that the feeling of hate was mutual.

My body was ugly, my brain- weak, and my defense mechanism archaic. They made me what I am. I could never forgive them.

Neither could my father. He had given up any hope on me. I could never know for sure what hurt him the most- he being so superior in intellect to have a kid as stupid as me or I being so dismally dull as to have a father of his qualifications. After my brother was born, I was cold-shouldered. My brother more than made up for me. My dad never ever looked at me the same way again, even when he actually did- it was with disdain and abject aloofness.

I don’t think anyone, except my mom would have shed a tear when I finally left home.

You had it. This is the story of Alienman.

So as I lie spread-eagled, my lips puffed, my nose gushing with snot and blood, I wonder why I actually chose this hell-hole.

The alien jeered at me. The crowd was ecstatic. They loved watching a homo sapien die.

As I try to make an effort, in my mind’s eye I could see my dad smirking at me. Yup, he actually did that. He wanted to leave no doubt that he didn’t have any faith in me. He wanted me to know that I could never ever meet a challenge head on. He wanted me to know that I would remain stupid and weak all my life.

I knew this hell-hole was trying to break me up. They wanted to disintegrate me into a million parts. I should never have signed that contract. But I did.

The alien bloke was too strong. I knew it beforehand that I wouldn’t last a minute in a bout with him. But still, I put my hat it the ring.

That’s because I still had that suicidal tendency, wanting to quickly end myself in the most humiliating manner possible as I deserve it.

As I grip the rope of the boxing ring, with the alien guy hollering with his long wide mouth, dripping saliva over me, I think- Is this something I actually deserve?

To die, light years away from home…..

To die on a planet where no one actually cared for you…

Maybe I am getting sentimental. No one actually loves me even on Earth.

But no, I don’t want to die in this manner. I still have myself.

With infinite effort, with every part of my body screaming with inhuman pain, I rise up.

The crowd roars. What they love more than watching a human die was to see an indefatigable spirit being crushed.

I am sorry. I am going to disappoint them just as I disappointed my father long ago.

I hit the alien as hard as I could. He is indeed surprised to see that inspite of all the hammering I had some ounce of energy left inside me.

The next few minutes, I dominate.

After that I kill him…

The crowd is shocked.  They didn’t expect this.

A few seconds pass. Then grudgingly they rise up, giving me a standing ovation.

I hear the cries of ‘Alienman’ all around me.

Such hypocrisy!!

I mock at them. I mock at my father.

Maybe I was worthless for him……

But I no longer would lose sleep over it, because, I no longer am a normal human being.

My earthly bonds are shattered, beyond repair. I am out here on a hostile planet, fending for myself.

No one loves me, but I don’t regret it. I am a man, but no longer human.

I am an alien in this crowd.

And that’s why they call me Alienman.

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