Asshole is a wide genus. Though it may not come under any branch of taxonomy- there are varieties of people coming under its huge umbrella like purview. If you go through ‘Word Power Made Easy’- there are martinets, lechers, chauvinists, brash (well it mentioned ‘virago’ for such women), and sycophants.
Anyone of them can make your blood boil. Anyone of them can make you tick.
Like for example- I sorely hate Arundhati Roy and Arvind Kejriwal.
Maybe, you might like them. So we won’t enter into the merits and demerits of liking or disliking them.
You cannot of course kill them, or think of doing so; even thinking of doing so may send a chill down your spine. You might start thinking that I, Vismay Harani, am an unconscionable pervert. If you think so, you may immediately stop reading further. Because though I am strictly against any type of literal killing, I don’t mind killing them literary.
Ha! Ha!
Confused? You should be.
Reading through ‘Inheritance’ by Christopher Paolini, I come across various sword fights. Now I must tell you, it is difficult to decipher a sword fight- jabbing, scurrying, deflecting, attack and defense, circling each other- these things you enjoy watching it in a movie- but describing it, and understanding what has been described, is difficult.
So I have now decided if I want to become a full-fledged science fiction writer, I have to kill many people along the way.
The going maybe tough, but after all only the tough gets going.
So let me start without further ado. I am going to kill a burly, impatient man. I must say this is my first trial. I haven’t reached the ultimate summits of consummancy. I am picking an easy opponent.
Round 1
He is a raging bull! Sweat is pouring down his forehead, his eyes are blood red. He is hulky, bulky and totally mean. Further more, he is angry. Though I may not look capable of doing such things, I am not- this is an imaginary situation- it looks like I had got convivial and frivolous with his girlfriend. And so he wants to kill me.
Even I want to kill him, so as to remove the ultimate obstacle from the path. Now, I must describe myself. I am bony, unsure of myself and infinitesimally thin. I don’t stand a chance against him. Though I think I have an advantage against him. That’s why I agree to his proposition of dueling.
We circle each other, my eyes totally fixated on him. He growls. I shudder. He thinks I am easy meat. That’s where my advantage lies. I do not at all hurry to attack him. It would achieve me nothing. Defence is my only option. He comes on me, yelling- meaning to crush me with his bulky size. With that momentum, I might have got a sword sticking out of my forehead. But you cannot kill me so easily.
At the last moment, I turn side wards on my right, letting him pass without harming me. Due to his jumbo size, he cannot arrest his momentum and so he travels further, leaving his back exposed.
Without wasting a single movement, I dig my sword right through his waist, cracking his spine.
He yells in pain. I further dig my sword, going all the way through. He doesn’t offer any resistance. He falls, face down. Blood starts spurting from his back like a fountain.
I killed my first man, many more to go. Follow ‘Alienman’ to know of my further exploits…
Till the, Good Bye…
Alienman 