The Match Maker

WANTED BRIDE
Ponta family invites proposals for their son 25 year old, 6’4”, engaged in family business of Fabric Designing, sector29, Planet UVZ; handsome seeks good alliance from a good homely and beautiful girl from well cultured family. Respond with BHP to ………………

You might ask me how I manage to do the seemingly impossible. Here is a boy living light years away from any bustling human civilization nearby, engaged in tailoring clothes- how could he possibly get a chance to marry the girl of his dream without apparent black-mailing and bribe? He won’t. He could have married the girl from his own planet- away as he was from the Federation Net- similarly the girls were also cut off from the rest of the civilization. But the boy apparently wanted to move out from the pigeon hole. That’s why he placed his profile on the Interplanetary Marriage Bureau. I being associated with IMB naturally came across it. So I match him with a twice divorced girl of a slightly bigger age- and not exactly beautiful- but coming from a very thriving planet of Para. I arrange a meeting.
The girl exactly hasn’t brought her parents with her. Probably the girl might have escaped from her own dreary home planet using her charm and wit to make her way where she could live a high-profile life. She had put up an ample amount of make-up, had a loud brash voice but she instantly fell for our handsome boy from UVZ. Inspite of the whisperings of gossip aunties, the boy’s parents stayed firm, determined that their son gets a life they never had.
So you know the happily ever after story. The end justifies the means. Everyone’s happy except the jealous aunties.
Some of you sarcastic ones might ask that ‘What Ho?’ There are no special skills required to be a match-maker. How could it ever be similar to a job involving warp drive, building massive intergalactic ships or making a planet fertile? It isn’t. I never claim myself to be extremely skillful or smart. But my job does require quick thinking on my part and I do boast myself of having quick reflexes.
Your next question might be- how come in the age of Space Discos and Interstellar parties are there distant, primal and old fashioned things called the match makers and Marriage Bureaus?
Well, I take extreme pride in the fact that since marriage bureaus were re-initiated their jobs, the embarrassing cases of brides on honeymoon space crafts being stolen have drastically decreased. Naturally there are more distant and cut-off planets than you would like to think about. And the instinct to make it big is naturally hardwired in every individual around. Girls no longer have to try different things over video-chat to lure the better-off planet boys.
We receive millions of emails and profiles every day. Sometimes we have to soothe anguishing and extremely frustrated girls, handle violent and angry boys tired from life in general- we try to match them in the best possible manner.
Space isn’t that romantic.
Imagine a planet the size of Earth with the total planet of 1000, with only 200 girls in it. Anthropologists treat in the fact that the men of that society behave similar to the animals. They have their fight till death to prove their machismo, they mark of their territories with land mines and the girls aren’t allowed to leave homes. But of course in this male-dominant society there aren’t many difficulties in the situation which is exactly opposite to that above mentioned. Men have large harems on such a planet.
Plus the life expectancy being extremely low due to violent earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, ice ages and what-not which may threaten to destroy the civilization any moment- the young people of such world grow hell-bent to leave their world. Cheap third-rate romantic writers built their mansions based on their hopes and dreams by manufacturing situations which are not at all plausible.
I am proud to be a match-maker, though I may seem brutal and unemotional in some cases, I run every scenario test for that particular girl or boy over and over again with different prospectors of their specification (plus the prospector’s choice to keep in mind), try every permutation and combination, run all the complex mathematics to see if their preferences and interests are well suited. In some cases it may take an extremely long period of time, by the time I find them a suitable match they lose hope and kill themselves. But I try my best. Humans have long given up this particular job as they see so many sorry young poor things, their living conditions, their hopes and aspirations- it breaks their heart that they aren’t able to help them all. Plus humans can’t deal with the massive amount of information stored on the database as they can’t run such long term scenario tests. I think me and my compatriots are perfectly suitable for the job. You may curse or jeer or mock at us, but you know deep within your heart that inhuman as we are, no one would want to switch places with us. After all we are robots……….