Omdi the lomdi (for children only)-Part 1

Omdi the lomdi (for children only)

And the vengeance of the ants

It so happens as when you are going to do a really simple job, you bug that up with entirely nasty results. Now look at this way, you have Rs. 5 in your hands and you are told to bring maggi, a common snack made in every home, you can hardly believe that the coin was going to be a great trouble for you.

That is what exactly happened to Om alias Vedansh, who was assigned that odd job. He was passing the time by tossing the coin up and down. Partly it was due to the cricket frenzy, of his elder brother, well not exactly brother, but actually his cousin paternal grandfather’s son Vishwam. Who was to know that the coin would go too high, and bid a never to be seen again adieu. The sky rumbled in response of eating away the piece of metal and in result blurted out a yellow, potty like jelly as a sour belch. Om went towards it with great fear. Though he was a fearless young boy, who sometimes can’t defend himself against his elder sister Zankar, he showed great steel that day. The instant he looked at it, he wished to hold it in his hands. Later he would know that wishing to touch that substance was actually in his genes. So he touched that substance, and pointed it towards the sky, where there suddenly could be seen a hole, which seemed quite queer, that so small a substance could create so big a hole in the sky.

Suddenly he could feel the ground receding under his feet, and he was rising above in the sky.

1 foot and counting.

5 feet and counting.

Oh oh, 12 feel, and counting. Higher.

Higher.

Slowly and steadily he began to rise above the houses. Higher still. Higher. He was moving straight towards the hole. He previously felt that it looked black in color, but now could see no color at all, he was just being pulled away towards something that could not be seen at all.

Oh God, save me. Om mumbled under his breath. I would never harass my mom; I won’t ask anything from my father. Oh God please, please. But still he went higher and higher. Suddenly his body began to stretch, his hands began to grow, his head, his whole body. He was as tall as Dhwani, suddenly he was taller than Dharav, now he was much taller than Roshan Bhai, and higher still. He now was the tallest one in the whole Harani family. Well he did not stop at that, he was still getting stretched. Oh my god, I am stretch man. No sooner did he mumbled this under his breath, then he was sucked into that hole like it was a large piece of American toilet sucking in Jerry, the mouse. In this case he was the Jerry.

For some time he could see nothing. It was like, like vacuum, nothing at all. Then the potty substance, beeped. Suddenly his vision cleared. He began to see colors that he had never seen before. It was a very odd replica of his very own Gandhidham, yet it felt distinctly odd in the settings of myriad colors which he had never seen before. Then, he began to see people, cars and houses. He was like a third person observer, who was observing the world from a height. The color of the people also differed. Their nose was like pig’s snout. They had hairs on their whole body. Yet they were running, hither and thither, as if some great calamity had befallen on them. Then, when he closely observed, he understood the reason of the mayhem. A large black cluster of black something was coming from far away. It crossed bridges, swam gutter water, rode over the cars, it was a large cluster of ants!! Large ants. Very large and ugly ones. Some liuid was falling from their mouth. He did not want to see further.

He knew what he had to do. He squeezed the jelly substance, and slowly the world was shrinking from its place. He touched his own native land after some time.

He felt his pocket. Yes there was a five rupee coin, the jelly had gone.

He felt in his guts that the five rupee coin was very important for the survival of all the residents of gandhidham. Very, very important.

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Soham: Tell me again, he indeed saw what he saw?

Zankar: Then what my brother is telling a lie? He is badly shaken up. Never ever say               anything about my brother.

Soham: Don’t get angry with me. I am just……

Vishwam: Give it a rest, you guys are always arguing with each other.

Zankar: I am not arguing, he only starts fighting.

Soham: She is telling a white lie.

Harsh: Stop it. He is telling that he got stretched, he actually got stretched?

Zankar: (angrier than before) Yes, ofcourse. You know……

Vishwam: Black hole! That’s the only explanation possible. Dhwani, you remember, we read it in visual dictionary……

Zankar: Dhwani is also with you?

Vishwam: Yah, she came for playing, before your call.

Harsh: Its not possible. Black hole in the sky, in Gandhidham of all places?

Soham: What is a black hole?

Vishwam: Black hole is what a star 2.5 times bigger than sun becomes after dying. It sucks in every thing even, light.

Harsh: If light is also sucked, then how did Om survive?

Vishwam: It must be a gate way to another universe, there could be no other explanation.

Soham: And that five rupee coin, must be a remote control to the black hole!

Vishwam: (Excited) Yah, of course. Wait a minute Dhwani wants to talk with you.

Dhwani: Well, it seems that, we have to protect Gandhidham. Zankar, when is the marriage?

Zankar: It’s a week away. Wait a minute Om wants to talk.

Om: Dhwani, give the phone to Vishwam.

Vishwam: Yes?

Om: Did your brother make it?

Vishwam: What?

Soham: What?

Harsh: What?

Om: He had been tinkering with it practically, since he was born.

Vishwam: What are you talking about?

Om: Potty Booster.

Vishwam: He had been secretive since the last few days. I think he had hit the formula. Practically I am not able to enter my own room, we can hear booms and bangs in the room.

Om: That’s settled. I think I know what we require as weapon.

*********************

For every particulate of goodness in this world, time creates that much ounce of badness.

They were far large in number. A great invasion was on its way. These creatures cannot be called the giants. But they definitely made our life more hellish.

They would come out in large numbers, attracted by the smell of urine, when we wet the bed, attracted to our body as jerry to cheese. For all the reasons ununderstood, they would open the stall on our lovely beautiful eyes, and in the morning we will be left with a large bulge, that pained not much as it irritated. Yes, I am talking about the most teeny wheeny mindless, ruthless, ugliest, rowdy (starting a fight over a particle of sugar) and most idiotic creation of nature. ANTS…ugh. And now Professor TAKLU, the most menancing man with a very hilarious name to go with was doing some jaw-dropping, blood-curling, awe-inspiring, sending chill to the already boggy mind invention in which he mingled the horridness of science with the rigidness of ants.

He was making something called toxic ants, whose bite might give you a dose of H2SO4, a very nasty acid that can burn your skin.

He had a very curved nose, eyes not very red as you might think and he was constantly sniwelling, not by crying, but due to the snot filled in his nose (P.S. I can’t get a better word for particulate ghunghha). He was once a very handsome man, having excessive fondness for ants. He would  look into ant holes and try to decipher their private lives. Even when they bit him, at all the place not worth mentioning, he loved them. His love for the ants would send everybody else to creeps. His elder brother took excessive pleasure to squish the ants right in front of him and watching his tearful face. Elder brothers as a rule could never be defeated. They happen to be all powerful and invincible. He could not fight against his brother, as a fear that he would get a very nasty punch, But when he grew up, he fought against the government as they were not legalising to stop ant killings. He even chalked a “Cheenti bachao andolan”, but couldn’t muster a single volunteer. Worrying over ants, he was left with a smooth patch on his head, and everyone started calling him a Taklu baba. Getting tired he decided to endow the ants with superpowers.

“Where is Vismay?” Om asked.

“He went to Small home with Pathik and Dharav.” Vishwam said.

“What, when we are in the midst of such a dangerous mission, he tends to roam away.” Zankar said hotly.

At that moment, the door opened. A boy entered with a suit case.

“Vismay, at last.”

“Sorry guys, I delayed. The point is I had to be secretive from the other guys. They should not know about the curse which had befallen on Harani family a very long time ago.”

“The curse on our family?”

“And every member of it, even those whose mother has married and their surnames have changed.” Vismay, indicated in the direction of Harsh and Dhwani. “But first of all, we start on a happy note.”

Saying this, he opened the suitcase. Amongst it were all type of super- cool gadgets.

“Based on what I got from Vishwam and Dhwani, I guessed that the best way to fight an acid like sulphuric acid, we would require an equally strong base. I researched on the particle send to me, that jelly substance, besides being a remote control to the warp hole, is a distinct cousin of human potty, but by far a very strong base. So I place my inventions before you.”

“This” He held a very small duct, with a hole at the bottom.” This is a very beauty in itself. You will have to paste it on slightly above the bottom, and see the wonder of it!”

“Vismay, but what exactly does it do?” Harsh asked.

“Have you ever counted how many times a day you fart? The more reactive the stomach, the more profitable is the deed. It attracts the fart, where it is pressurized in the duct, and when you press this button, above it, a highly concentrated jet of fart gas will pour out thrusting you to fly straight in the sky, while it will leave the fellow ants with itching bottoms at the bottom. This is what I call the fart flier.”

“Vismay, won’t it be very uncomfortable?” asked Soham.

“Well, its at user’s risk. So who wants to fly high in the sky?” He presented the six ducts shaped like key chain.

Only Om and Vishwam, took the gadget. Vismay, was slightly disappointed by it, but he tried to hide it.

“Now this is a very important little thing which you will need in your adventure.” He placed a metallic box in front of it, with a stick, in the middle with two closed cups revolving around it.”

“What is it?” Dhwani asked, clearly excited.

“It is a potty converter. In one cup you will place the collected potty, in other cup you will place its cousin. Depending on your requirement you can convert from one to other.”

“Ugh, we will have to collect potty?” Dhwani asked, with apparent disgust.

“Your survival depends on it.” Vismay said hotly. “It is the only possible antidote to ant’s poison. Plus it will also help you to fight their mutation.”

“Okay, okay. When our parents were small they also collected that, for burning purpose. Its not a very big deal.” Vishwam said matter of factly.

“And now” Vismay said dramatically “the thing you have all being waiting for!!”

He presented before them an ordinary looking motor.

“Well, it looks like a motor to me.” Soham said.

“The fact is it is a motor. But the fuel is what matters. It took me a long time to make it.” Vismay said.

“So the fuel is potty?” Harsh asked.

“Yes, of course. Who knows Newton’s third law?”

They all just stared at him.

“Don’t tell me that they haven’t taught to you still?” Vismay asked. “Okay then,” He said looking around at the puzzled gazes. “How does a rocket work? Or a fart flier? How do you walk?” He asked dramatically. “Newton’s third law is ‘Action and reaction are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction.’ For years I have tried to make a perfect machine that can run on human waste. But potty, normal potty, is just not suitable for running a motor. It does not burn. Well you can wait for long time at a biogas plant for it to convert into methane, but it’s a very cumbersome process.”

They were all looking blankly at Vismay. “Well, the point is this potty can burn, and we can use it to unleash the untapped potential of potty power. The fart flier will help you, but only for a smaller height. It is used to jump away, not exactly fly. But this”, He held a test tube in which particulate of the special potty was kept,”this, is the gift from god. With the help of this you can fly, you can use it in your father’s cars. The refined fuel made by this potty substance can fly rockets. With the shit converter I gave you, you can produce this in bulk. Every form of excreta will be useful for the progress of human lives. There was Iron Age, Stone Age, metal age, computer age, and now there will be the shit age!!!”

All of the kids were amused by their brother. They knew his eternal fascination with potty, Vismay became one with it.

“So I can place it in my father’s Indica?” Om asked.

“Yes, and no need of petrol. Just collect the shit, convert it and pour it in the fuel tank.”

“How can we fly with the help of this?”

“Ever heard of birdman suit?”

“What?” They cried in unison.

“Well the birdman suit is contraption, like a kite, with the help of which humans can fly in the sky.”

“Just like a paraglider?” Dhwani asked.

“Not exactly. In this one you become the paraglider. You become a bird with the help of it. Plus with this microchip, and these mechanical fittings, your safety is guaranteed.  Now just as a plane needs a fuel, a potty booster will be fitted on it, so as you can fly till the fuel lasts. Plus even if the fuel gets empty, it will safely land you on the ground.”

“Cool, I can fly eternally!!” Vishwam exclaimed.

“This is not to make you fly eternally. When you go in that bloody ant ridden universe, you will use this so that the smoke that comes out will kill those blasted ants globally. By constant flying, tremendous pressure is created on your hands. So promise me that you won’t abuse these gadgets.”

“We promise.” Zankar and Dhwani said. “Don’t we?” They looked at the boys. Then, they also regretfully promised.

“Okay, now I tell you about the curse which has befallen our family.” Vismay said in a very slow voice.

The children huddled together.

“Long time ago, there lived a sage named Konti Krampla. His penance was mind blowing. He had pleased all the gods, known in Hindu mythology. So once he came across two brothers, slightly bigger than your ages, who were shitting in the jungle. Now, they were also counting the amount of their treasure, and competing regarding it. The pungent smell entered into the nostrils of the sage, who was meditating, under the banyan trees nearby. His concentration was broken. He got enraged and cursed that their family would keep on inventing new potty jokes, and keep on embarrassing each other in presence of others.”

“Okay.” Zankar mumbled.

“So that’s why, we are a family know for our potty jokes, and not for our other accomplishments.” Vismay explained. “This curse will only be broken, if the kids in our family would prove the use of the accursed substance in order to save the humanity.”

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